


Alone

by mymastermine (littlelapin)



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28831707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelapin/pseuds/mymastermine
Summary: Mastermind finally grasps what it means to feel alone.
Relationships: LP/MM, LPMM - Relationship, Lunatic Psyker/Mastermind, MM/LP, MMLP - Relationship, Mastermind/Lunatic Psyker





	Alone

Mastermind disliked being lonely, but he hated feeling alone. There was a difference between feeling lonely and feeling alone—and even being alone.

Mastermind liked to think that being alone was a good thing. A quiet room, just the hum of his devices and computer before him, the routine, comforting ticking of a clock, and no one else to bother him. He could do as he pleased, he didn’t have to answer to anyone, he could do what he wanted when he wanted it, how he wanted it, the list went on and on… Most importantly, he had space to himself, he had chosen to be without anyone—that was what being alone was. There was a willing choice. Rather, when it came to _feeling_ alone, that was another matter entirely. And even that was different than being lonely.

It was in the midst of a recent fight with Psyker that Mastermind came to fully understand the difference between the three.

As Psyker scoffed angrily, whirling away before Mastermind could get in another word, the scientist thought it was fine. It was just fine because he didn’t need the brawler.

But no sooner than he had thought that, he realized he didn’t mean it. He never meant it, of course. He brought up a hand to push roughly at his bangs, biting harshly on his lip because damn he could really let his temper just stomp over any kind of self-control he had in a situation.

… but it wasn’t like he was just at fault either. No, he didn’t want Psyker to go away, but he could use some space. A choice to be without the other, just for a little while of course. It would probably be good for the both of them.

That’s what he had thought a little over an hour ago.

Already, he missed the brawler’s touch, his words, his manchild ways, his smile… everything about him. But that didn’t change that the fact that he was still mad. He sighed heavily. No matter how mad he was though, he actually wished Psyker was here—he was lonely.

He could stand being alone, by himself, by choice because that’s something that’s actually enjoyable. But missing the brawler, wishing for his presence? No, Mastermind very much disliked this feeling, more so when they split on such unsettled and bad terms like the fight they had had. And even if they were on better terms, he wouldn’t ever choose to feel like this. Missing Psyker, wishing he were there, feeling lonely—all emotions that manifested against his own will, be it he were happy, sad, or angry (somewhat) like currently.

But what he hated most was _feeling_ alone.

It was similar to feeling lonely, an emotion against his will.

But the most important part that differentiated the two was something Mastermind learned when he came face to face with Psyker just barely another hour later.

They had stumbled across each other awkwardly in the kitchen. Awkwardly because just as Psyker was leaving, Mastermind was entering, and to make matters worse they had ran right into each other. Psyker reflexively caught Mastermind because he had almost stumbled badly trying desperately to prevent the fall of the mug he had had in hand.

Once things were more settled, Mastermind froze to the spot. He clenched the mug tightly in his hands as he tried to ignore the slight squeeze Psyker gave his arms. He swallowed thickly, his head hanging, refusing to meet Psyker’s eyes. The atmosphere was thick, so thick that it prevented him from opening his mouth to speak up, to clear it.

Psyker beat him to it anyway, “Coffee?”

“Huh?” Mastermind lifted his head, making the mistake of looking into the berserker’s eyes.

Said berserker immediately shifted his eyes the other way, breaking eye contact, “Coffee, you wanted some right?”

Mastermind opened his mouth to speak but all that came was a sharp inhale of breath because he couldn’t even look him in the eye. Mastermind hadn’t meant to meet Psyker’s eyes, but he could meet his gaze, even if it was briefly. But Psyker—he couldn’t even _look_ at him and all Mastermind could do was inhale sharply because the painful clench of his heart just now just about stole away his breath, stole away his response. The scientist hung his head lowly, managing a weak nod.

Psyker still had his hands holding Mastermind’s arms, steadying him. The hold had slacken a bit earlier but just before he pulled away, he gave another squeeze and gradually let his hands slip away, letting the touch linger.

Mastermind noticed.

With his back to the other, he mechanically walked over to the coffee maker and started a pot.

Unsure of what else to do, Mastermind took a seat. But he took a chair so that his back would also be to Psyker. He wrapped his hands around his mug, absentmindedly running his thumbs across the rim.

He wasn’t alone, Psyker was here.

The brawler turned on his heel, making his presence known as he leaned over either of Mastermind’s shoulders to pour the coffee into the mug.

Mastermind froze for a second time, also feeling his heart contract painfully for a second time. Though he was still, his hands twitched as he watched the liquid fall into the mug. He watched as Psyker placed the special cream he liked on the table beside him, along with the entire container of sugar and a spoon. This wasn’t anything different than normal and yet it was…

Because this was worse than being alone.

Psyker was physically here, so he wasn’t alone, he wasn’t by himself. And that was great, except…

It was even worse than feeling lonely because, Psyker was here but…

It felt like he _wasn’t_ , like he was alone.

“Is there anything else you need?” Psyker asked, cutting through the silence again. When he saw Mastermind’s shoulders stiffen, he was prepared to leave. But when he saw dark spots cropping up on the table, even droplets rippling in the coffee, part of him wanted to jolt and run the opposite way and the other wanted to whirl Mastermind around and—

“Psyk.”

He felt his feet trying to edge him away from Mastermind, he took maybe a step before he felt himself rooted to the spot, staring numbly at the crying scientist—that had suddenly just reached out to stop his escape too.

“Psyk,” Mastermind tried again, his voice broken with more obvious sobs this time. “Psyk, please…” He murmured, head hanging low. “I—I don’t know what to do. This feeling—it hurts. You’re here, and it hurts still so much. I want you here, and it makes me glad, but it hurts, Psyk.” A shuddering breath as he choked on a sob that forcefully ripped his way from his throat. “I don’t want you to go away, I know you’re here, you’re right here!” He stopped, mind whirling frantically, because the fight, maybe it was the fight. “I’m so sorry, Psyk, I didn’t mean it—please stay, I know you’re here, please tell me you’ll stay.” Mastermind felt his body move on its own, leaping up from the seat, wrapping his other hand around the arm he caught Psyker by. “So please, stay here with me, talk _to_ me, look _at_ me again, Psyk—”

Anything else was muffled into Psyker’s chest, the brawler having pulled Mastermind into a tight, tight embrace, cradling his head gently. Almost immediately after, Psyker halted again, almost moving as if to push Mastermind away but he stopped, bringing him back even closer as if realizing his mistake.

And it wasn’t anything profound or new, but it hit him hard then that Psyker had his own insecurities he was probably battling right now too, on top of all the insecurities Mastermind spilled. He mumbled into his chest, “I’m really sorry,” He tried hiding his anxieties behind a weak chuckle, absentmindedly clenching small handfuls of Psyker’s vest as he relaxed into his touch. “I didn’t mean to—”

Psyker pulled back, but just enough so he could look at Mastermind. He gave a crooked grin as he finally locked eyes with similar magenta hues. With a shaky sigh, he took either hand, trailing it from the scientist’s temple, down his face, caressing his cheek, and all the way to his chin so that he could lift Mastermind’s face, making the scientist’s gaze directly meet his. “I know you didn’t mean it, I didn’t either.” He pressed a kiss to Mastermind’s forehead. “I’ll be here, I always will be.” Murmuring lightly as he placed a soft kiss to the other’s temple. “I’m really, really, sorry too.” Very quick successions of butterfly kisses against his mouth and the corners.

Mastermind felt his heart flutter, but also still painfully throb. He looked into the depths of Psyker’s eyes and breathed deeply. This was an entirely new pain and he only hoped that maybe he could too… He reached up, pressing a kiss to Psyker’s forehead, his heart fluttering, push away the new pain he felt when Psyker froze with shock. He continued, mimicking the sweet, sweet kiss to his temple and placing one of his own on Psyker’s. Lastly, he hovered just before the other’s mouth. His hands clenched Psyker’s vest some more before shooting up to cup Psyker’s face, pressing similar quick and short kisses, before finally pressing his mouth firmly against Psyker’s, weakly glancing to catch the brawler’s expression.

When he pulled back, he wasn’t sure if it was worth it at first, but to see the pain, doubts erase away, giving way to relief, happiness and other emotions that Mastermind was sure he missed, he decided he was glad he went through with it.

To Mastermind, it wasn’t much, but if gestures like that could heal Psyker’s insecurities and pain as much as Psyker being there could heal his own pains, then he figured maybe it was more than enough. It was good enough.

He’d be damned if Psyker felt like that too—feeling alone. Because he had had his fair share of feeling alone to know it was one of the worst feelings to have. And he wouldn’t let Psyker feel that way anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> @ tumblr under mymastermine, as always


End file.
